Of course I’m being sarcastic with the title, but I wasn’t to know when I made notes for this post what was going to occur (as they would say on Gavin and Stacey).

I forgot just how bloody noisy the dogs, roosters and peacocks were down the road from the hotel. Slept on and off with remarkably vivid dreams and a headache, which is hardly surprising I guess given the small amount of water and large amount of alcohol consumed yesterday.

We walked around to the big supermarket to get water and various supplies. The cheapest box of cereal I could find were Nestle gluten free cornflakes. I had a potted yoghurt for breakfast (because I didn’t want warm milk on my cornflakes).

The pool @ Mayflower Apartments, Tigaki, Kos

Then we hit the sunbeams by the pool hotel until lunch. I had thin slices of pre-packed and pre-toasted bruschetta with cheese spread on it, half a big tomato and some paprika crisps. I was dizzy from the culinary height I had managed to attain. A friend at university had awakened me to the delights of pre-packed pre-toasted crunchy bread which he generously served us with bits of extra mature cheddar as part of his legendary ‘cheese nights’ – an excuse to get pissed which I think he had brought with him from public school (he was very posh God bless him). He wanted to be a deep sea diver when he left university. I wonder if he followed his dream.

After some more lounging around I spruced myself up a bit to go and sit with some other hotel guests and watch England versus Wales. Wales scored from a Bale free-kick at the end of the first half and surrounded as I was by England fans I conducted a micro-celebration of my own. If Norris McWhirter had been around I might have landed an entry in the Guinness Book of Records for the smallest ever fist pump in recorded history. I was doing celebratory laps of the pool and kissing all the women, even the old fat ones, in my head. Sigh was still sunbathing while all this was happening. I nipped to the loo, got another large Mythos (not from the loo, it’s actually a very tasty beer) and settled in for an England drubbing.

But it’s a game of two halves isn’t it…

To be fair England, the mighty England, had been all over Wales in the first half and that pattern continued in the second. It was only a matter of time until they scored, and sure enough they did. And then they did it again. So the game finished 2:1 to England and my bet for Wales to win the tournament wasn’t looking so insightful all of a sudden.

I finished my Mythos, bid my fellow guests adieu and went back to the room for a sob. Well actually I wrote the notes on which this post is based, but suffice to say I wasn’t a happy bunny. I ate a few more crisps as i was feeling a tad tipsy and waited for Siggy to return. She’d gone for a walk rather than watch the second half with me. She’s not a big football fan and we’d already agreed that she could do whatever she wanted while I watched Euro 2016. Most of the time, for the matches later in the day, that consisted of drinking cocktails and playing celebrity lookalike.

Celebrity lookalike consists of spotting holidaymakers who look like famous people. It needs a consensus of two (me and Siggy have to agree on the doppelgänger’s attributes) before it gets noted. Literally this year in a little notepad. I’ll present the results of our keen eyed surveillance at the end of this set of posts.

‘Scuse me mate, you appear to have your ‘K’ on back to front…

We went to The Kitchen for tea and just drank water because otherwise I would’ve been pissed as a fart. Follow the link to see deets about the meal. I wasn’t overly impressed tbh. We had a seat near the front where we could play celebrity lookalike and watch smug looking knuckle-dragging England fans shamble past with their ugly sun-burnt girlfriends. Bitter me? While we waited for our food, someone drove past with a phone on a selfie stick hanging out of their window – not sure that’s really what they’re designed for.

After eating we had a nose around some of the smaller purveyors of food on the main strip looking for a small pot of honey that wasn’t dressed up as an overpriced souvenir. this is more difficult than it sounds given that Kos prides itself on its beekeeping and local honey. Siggy likes it on her honey that she haves for breakfast.

Then we went to the Cosy Company cocktail bar and I had a pina colada. Then another large beer – this time the more common but equally as refreshing Alpha – at Memories while we watched the first half of Germany v Poland. Then we caught the second half back at the hotel and I tried to sober up with a cool peach ice tea with lots of ice. The match ended as a nil-nil draw which was a good result for Poland and bit crap for ze Germans. There were loads of Germans gathered in the Cosy bar and they could have been quite easily mistaken for Brits if it wasn’t for their football shirts.

I discovered that I had managed to badly burn my stomach and chest today which was a really dumbass move. So will probably have to keep out of it tomorrow.